Three Steps to Help You Talk to Your Teen About Drugs

  We often see the commercials that say “no matter how you do it, you need to talk to your son/daughter about drugs”.  They will show you some dark depressed teen, and parents that just don’t know what to say, then the slogan to solve all “Just talk to them”.  But what I find is that this slogan is where most parents get lost.  So this guide is written for you, the parent of that coming of age teen, by me, a young father, whom received this awkward talk just a few years ago. 

Step one is the biggest step in this process. It is the only time in which you have to prepare for the what ifs that will come out of your talk. There is a possibility that your tween or teen may say the talk is too late and that they already do drugs, so this is a time to plan what to say for that moment. Remember you are a parent not a friend sometimes you have to say the hard stuff. But for the sake of this guide lets assume your child has not already begun doing drugs.

  By most studies, the most effective speaking skill is listening. So lay out a plan that lets your child do most of the talking. If they feel they are being listened to they are more likely to listen when it is your turn to speak. Try not to use a lot of stories that start with these statements; when I was your age, I don’t understand why, and What can possibly be going through your head. These statements all come across negative in a conversation such as this.

  Facts are boring and therefore most teens do not give a rip about the number of people that commit crimes, or harm themselves while under the influence of drugs. While its not a bad idea to have some statistics available if asked, do not use them as a way of pushing your point.

  There is never a good time to have this conversation with your all knowing teen, so make sure to pick a time when you feel your teen will be the most receptive to the conversation. While I do not condone skipping school, a mid-day lunch when you can pull your teen out of a class or two is a good way to make sure you get them alone without friends. With a good plan in place, the time has come to take the next step, starting the talk.

As with most talks you have with your teen, this one will be hard to start.  Determining how you start the talk with your teen depends most on your relationship with your teen.  The important part to remember here is that no matter what, you are here to start the talk on drugs. Here are some suggestions on how to start the talk with three different relationship levels to your teen.

Open

    If your relationship with your teen is open your best bet is to just come out with it.  Even though this is a hard conversation to start, your teen is likely to be very receptive to it.  Start this conversation whenever you feel the time is right.  Even if it is snuck into your everyday conversation with your teen, they are likely to respond well to your concern.  Consider yourself lucky if you fall into this category, for not many parents have the option to start an easy conversation on drugs.

Moderate

    If your teen talks to you but doesn’t share a lot of details, this is the category you fall into.  This can sometimes be the most challenging category, because you as a parent are walking a thin line with your teen.  Speaking from only opinion I would suggest that you start this conversation while helping your teen do their daily/weekly chore.  While mowing the lawn may not be an ideal time to start a conversation, bringing a glass of water out when they are done may be perfect.  If your teen does the dishes, jump right in and help.  In either scenario this is the time to inject a subtle comment about your wish to have a conversation about drugs.  If your teen is receptive you have started the conversation, if your teen is not you may have fallen into the next category.

Closed

    If your teen only talks to you when spoken to first, and rarely answers your questions this is the category you fall into.  First and foremost, DO NOT ram a conversation down the throat of your teen.  This is more likely to push them in the opposite direction of what you want.  Try writing them an e-mail about your concerns.  While it may sound impersonal, your teen may respond very well to you trying to communicate with them, without breaking into their “I don’t want to talk to you” bubble.

    No matter what type of relationship you have with your teen, I congratulate you on making it to this point.  The conversation has been started.  Next we will discuss what to say and what to avoid saying during that conversation.

There is no way to stress this point enough than to say it again. The most effective speaking skill is listening. If you listen to your teen and then respond they will know that you are taking into consideration what they say. Getting your teen to listen to you during this conversation is half the battle. We already started the conversation in the last section, so what do you say after that? Try relating to something your kids do be it sports, a band, skateboarding, or video games. Ask questions relating to their latest activity. Listen to what they have to say about it, if you don’t understand what they are talking about it is ok to ask more questions. Remember, your first job here is to listen. As the topic starts to come to an end insert your first question about drugs. Some good starter questions are; do you know what drugs are?, Can we talk about drugs?, and if your bold come right out and ask, Have you ever done drugs?. Try to avoid asking a lot of questions about their friends and their habits, as this conversation is about your teen, not your teen’s friends. Also avoid making your teen feel as though they are being interrogated.

Be prepared, there may be an awkward pause, but encourage your teen to answer your questions. The conversation can be as little as 30 seconds, but what it boils down to is did you get the point across to your teen that you planned to. If you feel as though you were shut out, switch conversations, and keep the dialog going. Whether or not your teen responded the way you want to, you can be assured that they are thinking about it.

Congratulations

 You have successfully learned how to approach your teen with the talk about drugs. Be forewarned it may not always be a cut and dry one conversation deal. So in the words of T.H. Palmer, “if at first you don’t succeed, try, try, again.”